Sports Law

Although primarily a human rights set, at Riteon we have such a diverse and talented group of practitioners, that we regularly take on unusual and complex cases from any area of law.

Mr Danks-Whaley has been busy of late with a sports law case  involving the famous footballer Dosh Rice. Dosh was goalkeeper for the premiership football team, Mankini Utd. Following a dispute concerning the team’s away strip, which Mr Rice refused to wear due to the fact that the colour of the strip clashed with his recent hi-lights, Mr Rice instructed Mr Danks-Whaley to persue a claim for constructive dismissal.

Mr Danks-Whaley asserted that it was only fair and proper that a premiership football team of such standing, should consult with their players before embarking on any new colour schemes to ensure that those proposed colours did not in any way diminish the aesthetic value of any of the team’s players. Unfortunately for Mr Rice, the lime green, Mankini away strip, although fitting him beautifully, did not compliment his freshly hi-lighted locks, resulting in Mr Rice being unable to play in any away games last season, due to the somewhat embarrassing clash of shades.

In an out-of-court settlement, Mr Danks-Whaley successfully negotiated for an undisclosed 7 figure sum for lost wages and lost revenue from a cancelled pants advert, 4 x wasted sack, back and crack waxing appointments, along with a nominal sum for the distress caused.

Let’s hope that football clubs take heed of this recent case before embarking on any changes in football strips that may result in their players being discriminated against.

Thankfully, Dosh Rice has just entered into a deal for an aftershave named after him, which will be in the shops in time for Christmas. All’s well that ends well it seems.

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Birthday Boy

Our most senior member of Chambers, Mr Berty  Battler Sloth Q.C. recently celebrated his 83rd birthday. Despite his senior years, Berty still has all his own teeth, just the three of them and we fondly call the solitary front incisor his pickled onion stabber.

He’s a steady sort of chap is Berty, not one for rushing about and due to his failing hearing and eyesight, he doesn’t venture into court much these days, but instead has a largely paper based practice here at Riteon. I should add that dear Berty, although getting on a bit, is fully up to speed with I.T. applications and indeed he recently purchased himself a new wife over the internet. Admittedly he was under the impression that he’d purchased a ride on lawn mower, but was nonetheless delighted when Attishu arrived all the way from Thailand and declared her everlasting devotion to him.

Throughout Berty’s career at the Bar he has been involved in some remarkable litigation, the most famous case being that of the Yorkshire Stripper. Ethel Enderby had been a dancer from the age of 16 and had made appearances at some of Yorkshire’s most salubrious entertainment venues, including Bradford Working Mens Club and Doncaster’s very own Miners Welfare. It seemed that Ethel was destined for great things but her career came to an abrupt end when she became lame due to an unusual affliction known as ‘having 2 left feet’.

Poor Ethel just couldn’t resist stealing the shoes that were displayed on the racks outside various Yorkshire shoe shops and over time it was estimated that she had a collection of 391 shoes, all left fitting of course. Due to the constant wearing of the said shoes, Ethel developed the syndrome known as ‘2 left feet’ and this in turn affected her career as an exotic dancer. In the ground breaking case, Mr Battler-Sloth relied on the then new legislation of the Sex Discrimination Act 1975, section 29 which states – ‘It is unlawful for any person concerned with the provision of goods to discriminate against a woman who seeks to obtain or use those goods’.

Quite clearly Ethel had been obtaining and using those left shoes and had suffered horrendous discrimination by those shoe shops, which eventually prevented her from working.  The expert evidence adduced at court clearly demonstrated that the wearing of male, left feet, soft suede Hush Puppies wouldn’t have harmed poor Ethel’s feet such as the ladies shoes did.

Berty’s case paved the way for the feminist movement of the 1980’s and we have much to thank him for here at Riteon, not least his contribution to the field of Human Rights Law.

Happy Birthday Berty.

It’s just not Cricket

Well, what a to do we have had this week with Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile. You see, she turned up at Chambers on Thursday morning wearing a pair of PATTERNED TIGHTS!!!  Poor Mr Everard nearly chocked on his Hob-Nob when Miss H-E walked in the door and he had to be heimlich manoevered by Mr Frank Ensteins-Dubble in order to prevent almost certain suffocation by biscuit crumb.

As you can imagine, an emergency Chambers meeting had to be convened in order that the terrible breach of the Bar Code of Conduct was discussed and dealt with in the most professional manner possible. Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile was asked to account for her faux pas and somewhat bemusedly said that because we male barristers wear stripey suits, she rather assumed that patterned tights would also be acceptable attire for a lady baby barrister.

I can see that Chambers are going to have to keep a close eye on Miss H-E, we simply can’t have Chambers reputation being brought into disrepute by such disgraceful behaviour.

There were a few tears when Miss H-E realised the gravity of her breach, but Mrs Pinny took her out to Marks and Spencers to purchase some 80 denier replacements in a nice sensible mat black and it seems that Miss H-E has seen the error of her ways, because there has been no further occurrences of the said PATTERNED TIGHTS.

I’m all for the Bar keeping abreast of the times, but PATTERNED TIGHTS!!!

Mini – Pupillage

We offer many mini-pupillages each year, which are always over subscribed. As such we really are able to pick the brightest law students to come to our set and get a feel for what it’s like to work in one of Britain’s top Chambers.

However our latest mini -pupil took things quite literally, you see he’s only 4ft 6 and a bit, and he truly believed that this was the one and only requirement to become a mini-pupil. Poor chap has had a terrible week of things and fainted on Tuesday due to getting himself wedged in between Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile’s cleavage and being unable to breath anything apart from Comfort fabric softener for 5 whole minutes. Thankfully I don’t think there’s any lasting damage, but it is quite hard to tell as he’s not the brightest.

We have a modest mock court room on the top floor and like to set our mini-pupils a little advocacy exercise, but things didn’t work out too well for our mini-pupil as all we could see was the top of his head. It was rather like hearing submissions from a guinea pig and somehow that didn’t seem quite right.

To make matters worse, we’ve all had one heck of a job understanding him. He’s from London you see and really doesn’t know how to pronounce his words properly. I set Mrs Pinny the task of giving him some voice coaching lessons and there has been some improvement, but if I’m honest, he’s got an uphill struggle if he wants to be successful in Doncaster, we just don’t take any prisoners up here when it comes to vowels.

It’s nice to have Mrs Pinny back from her holidays and I think Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile was pleased to be back down to a 70 hour week. Mrs Pinny likes things just so, and didn’t take too kindly to the fact that the Brasso had been put back on the shelf with the label facing towards the wall. There was a bit of a scene about it, but she seems to have forgiven Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile for her stupid mistake.

We do have to be quite careful with Mrs Pinny as she has OCD. Most of the time it works to Chambers advantage and you could eat your dinner off the floor, but occasionally it all goes to pot. Just a few weeks ago I was in Conference with a client who was seeking my advice on the merits of bringing an action against a surgeon for a failed hair transplant, when Mrs P burst into the room and sprayed the poor chap’s head with Pledge and set about polishing his scalp. It took me, Mr Everard and Mr Frank Ensteins-Dubble to pull her away from him. She’s remarkably strong for a 78 year old.

My goodness me, it’s almost time for Chambers tea. Rumour has it that Mrs P has baked some of her excellent triple strength ginger parkin, we like things a bit hot and spicy here at Riteon.

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Winning Streak!

I don’t know what it is about my senior junior that gives him the edge, but he never seems to lose a case. His opponent’s either either cave in during hasty negotiations on the court steps, or if the matter proceeds to full trial, everyone just seems to succumb to his polite demands.

You’d think that he’d have work coming out of his ears, but sadly he seems to spend a good deal of time helping me out with my busy, busy caseloads.

So the object of this post is to really raise the profile of my senior junior and let you know what a fine chap he is. Despite being 39, he’s unmarried, which is a slight concern as I like my members to have a wifelet to go home to, or at the very least a mistress to whip them into shape. But no, my senior junior’s social life seems to consist of a swift one with me down the Bottomless Pit, Doncaster’s very own Michelin rated public hostelry, and then off home to bed.

Yes, it really is a mystery and I’m at a loss as to explain just why said senior junior is so very successful in some ways and yet such a failure in others.

I digress, anyway if anyone out there is seeking the skills of an extremely experienced advocate to put forward their case, my senior junior comes highly recommended. He is able to tackle the most complex of human rights issues and has recently won yet again in the High Court in the notable case of Ramblers Association v Health & Safety Executive [2009] 1 WLR 574. The case involved much expert evidence surrounding the compulsory requirement that all Ramblers must, for reasons of safety, wear a brightly coloured, knitted bobble hats.

My senior junior successfully argued that such an enforcement by the HSE  interfered with the Ramblers human rights under Art. 3 ECHR which prohibits inhuman or degrading treatment. Quite clearly the wearing of said bobble hats has caused the Ramblers to be the butt of many a cruel joke and they have been castigated from society for many years, resulting in the aforementioned degrading treatment. But thanks to my senior junior, that is all to change and Ramblers can now roam the countryside free from the humiliation that previously tormented them.

So, as you can see, it is a phenomenon as to why such a talented advocate receives so few instructions. Any enquiries concerning the availability of my senior junior, Mr Frank Ensteins-Dubble, should be directed to Chambers chief clerk, Mr Everard, who will be pleased to advise on availability and very reasonable fees.

It’s all go!

What a busy week! Mrs Pinny, who has been Chambers cleaning lady since the year dot, has taken it upon herself to take a week’s holiday. I suppose I shouldn’t grumble, but it was rather selfish of her to only give 8 weeks notice of the said holiday, particularly as she had Christmas day AND New Year’s Day off – both paid holidays at that!

I’m not one for anything domestic myself, so in the true spirit of the Bar’s diversity agenda, I set Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile the task of keeping the place tidy for us chaps. And what a fine job she has made of her new task to hand too.

You know, I don’t mind admitting that I was just a tiny bit dubious about having ladies about the Chambers, I rather doubted that their minds were set up for legal issues, what with their constant chatter about shopping and babies, but I don’t mind saying that on this occasion I was wrong and Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile has shone through as a beacon on womanhood. Damn fine figure of a woman she looks too in her maid’s outfit which Mr Everard kindly purchased for her; he’s such a thoughtful chap, much like myself really.

I think that in the long run, Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile will thank me wholeheartedly for the opportunity that I have given her in experiencing Chambers life from the bottom upwards and it will go some way in teaching her what life is really like for some of the clients that in time she will act for. Yes, I can truly say that you ladies are fine creatures and quite capable when you set your mind to it.

I’ve been confined to barracks this week so to speak, preparing for a big case, but many of my members have been busy with court work. Mr Danks-Whaley has yet again had a victorious win in the High Court in an action brought against The Chiropodists Weekly for breach of privacy. Mr Danks-Whaley’s client was distressed and embarrassed to find himself the laughing stock of Scunthorpe, when it came to his notice that a picture of his bunion had been shown in the 3rd May edition of Chiropodists Weekly without his knowledge or permission.

Thankfully, the damages awarded to Mr Danks-Whaley’s client are such that he is able to afford to upgrade his 2 berth caravan and buy himself several pairs of comfy shoes from a specialist catalogue, so in time I hope that the poor fellow will be able to put it all behind him and resume a normal life, well, as much as one can when lumbered with a bunion and living in Scunthorpe.

Well, it’s almost time for Chambers Tea and I don’t want Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile to think that we chaps don’t appreciate her cucumber sandwiches and Darjeeling tea, so I’d better make haste.

Ivor Biggun Q.C.

Pupillage – The Riteon Criteria

I am often asked just what it is that makes a person stand out from the rest when it comes to deciding whom Chambers will select as pupils.

Well, there are a combination of skills required by aspirants if they are to succeed in securing pupillage at Riteon, not least the ability to get along with other members of Chambers and to find a comfortable niche for themselves within our set. As a leading human rights set, we are ever aware of the needs of our members and seek to accommodate those needs whenever possible.

I am also very aware of the need for Chambers to oversee the education of each pupil, and to that end I personally oversee much of this element for each pupil’s training. It is vital that new pupils settle in to their new working environment and get a feel for Chambers and that in turn I get a feel of each new pupil. The role of a pupil is often ‘up close and personal’ in that pupils spend a considerable amount of time helping prepare cases for the more senior members of Chambers and will form special relationships with their pupilmasters. This is to be encouraged, the Bar is a close knit community and we all rub along together quite nicely, so the sooner a pupil  becomes familiar with other members, the better.

Although it is expected by the second six of pupillage, pupils will be ‘on their feet’, during the first six, pupils spend their time in Chambers ’on their backs’, assisting senior counsel. There’s no doubt about it, pupillage at Riteon is a mutually beneficial process and our juniors hold many fond memories of the time they spent as pupils learning the ins and outs of Chambers life.

A popular question that I’m asked with regard to pupillage selection is;  ’Do Chambers have a type?’. Well the short answer is no, although I suppose our selection process will to a certain degree expose certain qualities that we look for in a pupil. Our current pupil, Miss Humps-Everyhalfmile, shone out from the other pupillage applicants because of her outstanding assets, which all of the pupillage committee were most impressed with, not least her kind, giving nature, which is so vital if you are to succeed in the field of human rights law.

It is helpful for those contemplating applying to Riteon for pupillage, to attend one of our open-days, which are run by our senior clerk, Mr Everard. Having been with Riteon for many years, Mr Everard is extremely well equipped and is only too pleased to give a guiding hand to visitors who show an interest in joining Riteon.

It is hoped that this article has proved helpful to those of you seeking pupillage at Riteon and has given an exciting insight into what pupillage at a leading set will entail.

Welcome to Riteon! – The Chambers of Ivor Biggun QC

Chambers News

For some time now, my juniors have been plaguing me to publish a blawg, arguing that as a progressive and leading set, we should lead by example and operate and informative and open approach to current legislative issues within Chambers practice area of human rights law.

I have been very busy of late with a case concerning the implications of Art. 8 ECHR in relation to the right to found a family and interference of that right by a public authority. The case (AB (a minor) v East Yorks Education Authority, 1 WLR 1083.) concerned the actions of Hull Lower Comprehensive School, who after consultation with the district’s health authority, opened a contraceptive clinic within the school’s northern annex, for the purpose of providing contraceptive advice to the pupils attending that school. The clinic proved a success and was attended by most of the pupils at some point or another during its first 6 months of operation.

Immediately before and to a certain extent during the first few months of the clinic’s operation, the school had a number of female pupils who were pregnant. My client ‘A’ moved to the school in February 2009, by which time the clinic had been open for some months. ‘A’ immediately felt isolated from the remainder of the male pupils in his class, who each were able to boast that they had impregnated at least one girl in the same year as them and on some occasions many more than one. 

By the time ‘A’ had established friendships with his peers at the new school, most if not all of ’A’s’ female classmates were taking the contraceptive pill, which was distributed and freely available by the school’s aforementioned clinic. This practice led to ‘A’ becoming increasingly disengaged with his school friends, quite simply because he was unable to become a young father and as such was prohibited from becoming ‘just like them’. Indeed evidence was heard at trial that ‘A’s’ new best friend ‘W’ had no less than 3 sons and 1 daughter despite being only 14 years old himself.

Although the court agreed that there had to some extent been a breach of ‘A’s’ right to found a family under Art. 8 of the Convention, the court somewhat disappointingly ruled that this right did not supercede the rights of the female pupils under Art.5 ECHR, that of liberty and security of the person, in that the girls were liberated to sleep with male pupils at any given time without the fear of pregnancy.

This was a particularly sad case, not least because ‘A’ still remains fatherless despite just turning 15. Girls aren’t interested in him because it is rumoured he is infertile, this is a somewhat absurd assertion because ‘A’ of course hasn’t even popped his cherry and all the stress is giving him spots. I fear for ‘A’s future because his hopes and aspirations have been thwarted and as time goes by and his peers are to be seen proudly collecting child benefits for their new sons and daughters, ‘A’s’ plight can only worsen.

As you have seen, even the most senior Q.C. such as myself has to, on occasions suffer defeat, but there’s never a dull moment in a Q.C’s life and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

Ivor Biggun Q.C.